taking a load off

Astounding. Yesterday I realized that I've spent almost all of my adult life devising plans for losing weight and just generally worrying about the thousand and five things a person in this situation can. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. Things like, I can't go to that party because I don't want so-and-so to see how fat I am. Or I'd better just stand -- my thighs will spread out and stretch the limits of my jeans if I sit down. Or even pleeease let my cholesterol be normal. What a waste of time, energy, productivity, happiness, and all that.

I wasn't always this way. I was a skinny teen. I was skinny in the first part of college. I was even skinny for a few years in my mid twenties. To be honest, I was really only a bit overweight during those times that I wasn't skinny. Until now; now I'm fat. I'm fatter than ever, and I don't like it one bit.

So here I am -- tired of being fat, tired of not recognizing myself in the mirror, tired of feeling sluggish, and tired of this unhealthy body. But mostly I'm tired, physically and mentally tired, of all the hours I dedicated to thinking about my fat. I'm ready to move on and get my mind on something worthwhile.